Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Growing pains

That is, I am the one experiencing the growing pains. Mary is my 3rd daughter, I have been through this puberty thing before. Oh, the obvious, chest development, hormones fluctuating and so on. However, I have been very happily oblivious to my older girls discovering certain parts of their bodies. I will not go in to detail, and it really was not that bad. Mary, at 10 is as the Dr. says, at stage 4 of puberty. I have been trying to get her to wear a bra for a while now. Being sensitive to what she is wearing, Mary has refused the bra thing. Fortunately, her posture is such that her shirts hang, so you can't see too much. So after purchasing every style out there, it seems a sports bra is the way to go. Why a sports bra? When Mary put the bra on, she pointed to her "abs" and said "look, I got these". I believe that in her mind, she sees that as sexy. I guess that's better than thinking the skimpy lacy bras are sexy. Still, I am not happy, and all my explaining on what is acceptable and appropriate, I can only hope is getting through to her.

After seeing, and realizing there are parts of her that feel good, I knew I had to have a certain talk with her. I have talked to her before about her period, knowing it's coming soon. I had to prepare her, and she seems o.k. with it. Up until now, she still believed babies were taken out of your stomach by the doctor, which I was more than happy to let her continue to believe. Last night I had to explain exactly where babies came from. At this point she was upset with herself for what she was doing, and embarrassed. I went through the whole thing about feelings, and your body ,etc. I did leave out how the baby got in there. She didn't ask and I cannot, will not, voluntarily give up that information! Her response to everything was "that's disgusting"! I hope she continues to think that until she is about 30.

I'm sad, sad that she could be oblivious to so many things, but not this. I worry about her doing things and not understanding what they mean. I worry about her being taken advantage of in so many ways. I worry about these things with all my children, but with Mary it's different. Mary has always had a thing for the boys, for some unknown disturbing reason, she likes the older ones. Teenagers, preferably with long hair. I don't know where, why or how on this one. Mary also longs to be accepted and to be like everybody else. This makes her more vulnerable. I wish I could just keep her locked up and away from the world forever, but I know that is completely insane thinking. I know things are going to happen, and I am so afraid that I will not be able to handle it. These are the times when all I can think about is how I would give up and sacrifice everything to just have her be your average little girl.

Mary started her first session of "play therapy" with a psychologist. I am hoping that this will help with her social skills. Hoping she will see that going to a group of teenage boys and flipping her hair and flirting with them is not appropriate. I need to block out all the Disney and Nickelodeon t.v. shows that she is modeling her behavior after. Most of all, I need to keep praying, for her and for myself!


Sandy Nawrot said...

Mary has always liked the boys, even from when she was little! And she does tend to immitate what is around her, so I am sure she is getting all of that from the TV. You can't really cut her off from all influences though. Nobody told me raising teenage girls was this tough!

Zibilee said...

It sounds as though she is growing up in some ways, but not really understanding all of what she does and says, which I imagine, can be really hard for you. I can totally understand why you feel she might get taken advantage of in this respect, especially with her wanting to flirt with the older boys. I am continuing to pray for you and Mary. You guys will be in my thoughts.