Milestones

As I write this I am still reeling in the fact that Mary has reached a milestone that has me, well, reeling. At 10 years old, puberty is in full swing, Mary is more developed than I was at 14. I know the day is going to come when she gets her period, and I am not looking forward to it. I still help Mary with her basic hygiene, from teeth brushing, face washing, (as we are battling acne!), washing her hair, and getting in all the nooks and crannies while showering. Tonight I realized it was time to shave her armpits. Yes, this has got me more perplexed than the thought of her getting her period!

I know I have to let Mary learn to take care of these things herself. I have been trying to give her more freedom in taking care of her body. I believe she is getting the hair washing thing down, I am not seeing greasy hair the next morning when she has washed it herself. She does fine on her body, but for some reason spends more time cleaning her feet?? However......The thought of having her shave! Nope, I told her under no circumstances is she to touch the razor without me. I realize that 10 is a little young, and with her developmental delays, its like expecting a 6 year old to shave. Knowing that makes me feel a whole lot better about not letting her do it herself. After all, it's a sharp object!! Thankfully, her legs don't look like they are in need of a shave, nor has she asked.

So my hope, and my fear is this, I hope since we are dealing with all this at such a young age, by the time Mary is a teenager, she will be an expert at taking care of herself. My fear is, what the hell am I going to be dealing with when she is a teenager!

Growing pains

That is, I am the one experiencing the growing pains. Mary is my 3rd daughter, I have been through this puberty thing before. Oh, the obvious, chest development, hormones fluctuating and so on. However, I have been very happily oblivious to my older girls discovering certain parts of their bodies. I will not go in to detail, and it really was not that bad. Mary, at 10 is as the Dr. says, at stage 4 of puberty. I have been trying to get her to wear a bra for a while now. Being sensitive to what she is wearing, Mary has refused the bra thing. Fortunately, her posture is such that her shirts hang, so you can't see too much. So after purchasing every style out there, it seems a sports bra is the way to go. Why a sports bra? When Mary put the bra on, she pointed to her "abs" and said "look, I got these". I believe that in her mind, she sees that as sexy. I guess that's better than thinking the skimpy lacy bras are sexy. Still, I am not happy, and all my explaining on what is acceptable and appropriate, I can only hope is getting through to her.

After seeing, and realizing there are parts of her that feel good, I knew I had to have a certain talk with her. I have talked to her before about her period, knowing it's coming soon. I had to prepare her, and she seems o.k. with it. Up until now, she still believed babies were taken out of your stomach by the doctor, which I was more than happy to let her continue to believe. Last night I had to explain exactly where babies came from. At this point she was upset with herself for what she was doing, and embarrassed. I went through the whole thing about feelings, and your body ,etc. I did leave out how the baby got in there. She didn't ask and I cannot, will not, voluntarily give up that information! Her response to everything was "that's disgusting"! I hope she continues to think that until she is about 30.

I'm sad, sad that she could be oblivious to so many things, but not this. I worry about her doing things and not understanding what they mean. I worry about her being taken advantage of in so many ways. I worry about these things with all my children, but with Mary it's different. Mary has always had a thing for the boys, for some unknown disturbing reason, she likes the older ones. Teenagers, preferably with long hair. I don't know where, why or how on this one. Mary also longs to be accepted and to be like everybody else. This makes her more vulnerable. I wish I could just keep her locked up and away from the world forever, but I know that is completely insane thinking. I know things are going to happen, and I am so afraid that I will not be able to handle it. These are the times when all I can think about is how I would give up and sacrifice everything to just have her be your average little girl.

Mary started her first session of "play therapy" with a psychologist. I am hoping that this will help with her social skills. Hoping she will see that going to a group of teenage boys and flipping her hair and flirting with them is not appropriate. I need to block out all the Disney and Nickelodeon t.v. shows that she is modeling her behavior after. Most of all, I need to keep praying, for her and for myself!

Two birds with one stone...

I have always tried to stay active and attempt to keep myself fit and healthy. When Mary was a baby and we got our first diagnosis of Developmental Delay and Hypotonia, I started working out vigorously. I went to the gym, got a personal trainer, and started lifting weights. It felt great to have control over something. I started to tell myself that I was doing it for Mary. We didn't know when, or how she would develop. So, every time I worked on my legs, I would push myself as if I could will her legs to grow to be strong. Same thing with my arms, and so on. Now, I did not end up with this perfect hard body, but I was happy. I never really struggled with my weight. I go through stages like everybody else, hate my weight, love my weight etc.. At this point, I am just trying to maintain my weight. Basically, I exercise because I love food! I have also come to realize that my general frame of mind is better with exercise. I know when I started this blog, I was depressed. I also had not done much exercising in weeks! Feeling much better these days, thanks to my intense need to help Mary.

I have been going to the YMCA just about everyday for the last 2 weeks. In trying to keep Mary occupied, and from missing her "friends" too much, I figured an hour or two in the kids club would make her happy. It worked, even when I don't feel like going, I push myself for Mary. I realized today that I was pushing myself harder again. All with Mary's happiness on my mind. Once again, I feel like I have a bit of control, my mood is better, and I don't have to feel guilty when I polish off a pint of Ben & Jerry's. I hope that I can keep it up during the weeks I have her in camp.

What's in a diagnosis?

The first diagnosis I received was at 33 weeks pregnant. My baby was not growing properly, Dr. said it could be "Intrauterine Growth Retardation". I was immediately sent for a sonogram which showed that my daughter was growing fine but I had "low amniotic fluid", therefore I would be induced at 34 weeks. Mary was born 6 weeks early. This was 10 years ago.
After delivery, Mary was hospitalized for 2 weeks for the usual premature issues. Underdeveloped lungs, jaundice, body temp. control. On Mother's day, May 2000, I finally brought her home. Even though she did not reach many milestones by 3, 4, 5, months, I passed it off, figuring she was premature and would catch up. Her pediatrician at the time was not worried either. At a birthday party my older daughter attended, someone informed me that since she was premature, the State of Florida had a program called birth -3years and they would evaluate her for free, as well as cover any expenses for premature birth related issues . I went into that evaluation with all the confidence in the world that she was fine. Then came another diagnosis.................

First came, "Developmental delays", and the worst sounding, but least worrisome, "Benign congenital hypotonia" (low muscle tone). I was devestated, I was told of all the things she would struggle with. I immediately went home and googled it all. I didn't know if she would ever walk, feed herself, etc. At 6 months old, we started all the therapies. Physical, occupational, then speech. We enrolled her in a special school to ensure the most help possible. Mary walked at 18 months old, but still didn't talk.

Then at age 2, she had a grand mal seizure. So, after a week in the hospital, we have yet another diagnosis. Seizure disorder. Mary was put on phenobarbital, which turned her into a moody zombie for a year. Finally at age 3, the Dr. put her on a different medication and she woke up. She finally started to talk. She called me Nonny, all her m's were n's and all her n's were m's. It was pretty funny. We were just happy to see her smile and chat. We have not been able to keep her quiet since!

The next few years were a blur of therapy sessions, Dr. visits, testing, evaluating, etc. Mary has had every possible blood test, scans & mri's. Tonsils, adenoids removed, hole in eardrum repaired. It seems there is always something.