Thursday, December 16, 2010

What to do

My husband and I visited another school today. Once again, I am left struggling with what to do. Mary is very happy at her current school, we have been happy with her current school. Our reasons for looking into another school for Mary have little to do with academics, and more to do with socialization, and the influence other children have on Mary. We are starting to see some things that have made us feel we may need a more "controlled" environment. One that stresses and teaches social skills. This has led us to a small Catholic run school for children with special needs. I knew this school existed, but thought they only accepted children with Down Syndrome. I have since found out that is not the case, however, 50% of the school is populated with Downs children. When we talked to the principal, we both knew immediately that the description of the curriculum as well as other activities at the school were perfect for Mary. Then we took a tour of the school and visited classrooms.

Well, what we saw was wonderful, kids making gingerbread houses, quiet, peaceful surroundings, Virgin Mary statues in the garden, etc... But... these kids were mostly Down Syndrome, some with obvious severe developmental disabilities. I am ashamed to admit this, but it kind of made me uncomfortable, almost fearful. Then, I guess I had a realization that maybe this is how some people react to Mary. Only with Mary, to look at her and even to sometimes talk to her, you wouldn't know, until she starts getting weird on you. I do believe that it is mostly kids that feel this way, and this is why kids at her school react to her the way they do sometimes. Hence, the reason for looking at another school. Mary has got more going on than just learning disabilities. Mary is considered "mentally educable", her IQ is in the extremely low range. Most of your learning disabled kids can have an average IQ and still not be able to read. So how does an average IQ'd child from a questionable home with mild learning disabilities react when Mary tries to strike up a conversation? Let's see, one little boy in her class threatened to bring a knife to school and stab her to death. Apparently he plays too many violent video games. Not an excuse if you ask me! Trust me, we, and the school, are dealing with this. So what does Mary do when she feels unaccepted by her peers? Well, the teenagers are nice to Mary, they think she's cute, and this is why she gravitates towards them.

So, what do we do? I wish somebody would just tell me what is the right thing to do for her. We tried play therapy, but her mental challenges made it difficult for the therapist to "play" with her. I am going to bring Mary to the school, and just let her look around and get a read on how she feels. In the mean time, we will pray, pray, pray. Hopefully an answer will come. Either way, we have the rest of the year to think about it. There is no room for Mary this year, and maybe by next school year, something else will come up.


Zibilee said...

Oh wow. This is a heck of a difficult situation for you guys to have to make. On the one hand, the school she is attending now doesn't sound like the best fit for her, but on the other, the new school sounds like it might be targeted to those with more severe disabilities than those that Mary has. I think you are taking the right approach by letting her see how she feels about the school before making any decisions. I am going to be praying for you and your family to come to some sort of conclusion about this. And as always, I must say, you are an incredible mom!

Sandy Nawrot said...

What a friend I am! I didn't even know you guys were debating this move. I know you have had your challenges with the current school, both with a teacher and with Mary's attachment to certain kids. But for a kid to threaten her with a knife? Are you kidding me? Poor thing. I think you just have to pray, and KNOW that an answer will present itself. See how she likes this new place. She may fall in love with it, and then you will have your answer.

Flora said...

I am so glad I finally got around to reading this. You are an incredible mom and just remember what is important is the care and supervision you are providing for Mary. As she matures, her awareness of herself should grow as well. There may not be a 'right' school for her, but a 'good enough' place for her at this time. God Bless you and Tom, Flora