O.k., I needed a day to try to figure out how to explain this one. As to avoid sensationalism in my post, I will start with what actually happened, then give you the version Mary told her teacher.
My husband and his business partner Rich, have a couple of rental units in the area. There is one 3 blocks away from Mary's school, on Grant St. Tom sent me a message the other day telling me he was on Grant St with Rich, and did I want to bring Mary by to say hello. Every morning Mary asks Tom where he is going, if he says "Grant St", she asks about Rich. Rich attended Mary's school some 40 years ago, and Mary thinks that is the coolest thing ever. It's been a while since she has seen him, so Tom thought it would be nice for us to stop by. So, we did. When I told Mary where we were going she was very happy, I was worried, because she has a tendency to carry on and on about someone or some things. I asked her to try to contain herself. Well, as soon as we pulled up, Tom and Rich were both in the front yard. Mary and I got out of the car and Mary very enthusiastically ran over jumped up and wrapped her arms and legs around Rich and said hello. Mary is probably just about as tall as Rich, so as you can imagine, this was an awkward move on her part. It was not proportionate to anything that might look inappropriate. We continued our hellos, chatted a bit, all in the front yard of the house. When we got home, I did casually mention to Mary that she should not have jumped up on him like she did. Bet you know where I'm going with this.....
Before our IEP meeting was over, Mary's teacher asked Tom and I to stay for a private conference, which also included the psychologist and another school official. I wasn't concerned until she said she also need the school resource officer to join in. Now I'm concerned. Mary told another student she wrapped her legs around a man named Rich. Teacher gets involved, asks Mary where did this happen, Mary says the house on Grant St. Teacher asks "Where was Dad", Mary says "working". "Where was Mom?", Mary says, "in the car". "Did this make you uncomfortable?" Mary, "yes". I know she said yes because that's what she thought she was supposed to say. I really feel for Mary's teacher, she knows Mary's issues, especially with her preoccupation with boys, and her tendency to not be able to re-tell events as they happened. So, I know this was a difficult thing for her to do, but she said she was obligated to call DCF. DCF referred her to Orlando Police. Now, I'm really freaking out, Tom is a bright shade of red I don't think I have seen him in before. Fortunately for us, the resource officer is there on Thursdays, and rather than call the police, the teacher went to the resource officer so she (she, another plus) could hear our version. Mary's teacher really didn't want to do this. I know it was an awful position for her to be in. I can't blame her, these days you never know, and I would want someone looking out for my children. After telling the story the way it actually happened, everyone in the room agreed that this is typical in children with Mary's disabilities. Great, what happens when someone is innocently arrested! I guess they have ways of knowing things.
You know, it took about three seconds for me to imagine all kinds of horrifying scenarios of my family being ripped apart because of all this. Thankfully, nothing was ever reported. DCF passed it off to Orlando Police, and the resource officer was sympathetic, and believed our version of events. Especially since she has a child with a seizure disorder and ADHD as well as behavior issues, and our kids see the same neurologist. After all of this, we brought Mary in, of course she was a wreck, thinking she was in trouble. We explained to her that what she did was not wrong, it was the re-telling of events that were the problem. We discussed strategies, etc. Of course counseling will be helpful, blah, blah. All is good in the end, for now.
When I think about it, I'm sure that my comment to her about jumping up on him is what made her think it was wrong, resulting in her talking about it. Otherwise, she just would have gone on about seeing him, and not how she said hello.
Just when I think I have seen, heard, and experienced it all.........
2 comments:
Oh gosh, I imagine that you guys must have been so upset by this! It's wonderful that the school handled everything with so much care and consideration, and like you said, it's a good thing that they take accounts like this so seriously, but man, I would have been worried as well. It's funny that you mention that your daughter has a problem sometimes with re-telling events, because I notice that this happens with my daughter sometimes too, and I wonder if it's a normal thing or not. I once told off a teacher for something that my daughter related to me, only to find out that the events that really played out were much different than the stories that I had heard. I have learned to relentlessly examine the things she tells me and to ask questions. I am so glad that your issue with Mary was solved so quickly and without a lot of drama, though I can imagine that you and Tom were pretty surprised and caught off guard!
OMG. No wonder you were frazzled yesterday. I don't mean to make any comparisons at all, but I do have issues with the way even my kids retell things. They have such a narrow view of events that happen to them. So it is really no wonder that Mary could get this skewed as well. You hear horror stories about misunderstandings, you know? I bet you're glad you didn't give up alcohol for Lent!
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