On High Alert

It looks like I am blogging only once a month. I don't know if it's because of this wonderful, lazy summer I'm having, or I have gotten past worrying all the time. School starts in a few weeks, so we will see if I really have taken the worrying down a couple of notches. Trust me, there have been more than a few times where I could have blogged, but by the time I could sit down and write, the mood has passed. Mary is Mary, and there really haven't been any new concerns.

So why am I on "high alert"'? Good question, one I am currently trying to figure out. Mary started on a new medication this week for her anxiety. It is an anti-depressant, which she has taken before. It is supposed to help with her OCD as well. The last medication she took didn't work out so well. It made her disinhibited, which means she just didn't care about what she said or did. Mary can sometimes say inappropriate things, well, this medication made her over the top. If I asked her to do or not do something, she would look at me and do, or not do it anyway. With a devilish look in her eye as well! Not worth it, especially when she walked over to a group of my sons friends and asked if anyone wanted to make out. I'm fairly certain at the time she didn't even know what that meant.

When we went for her regular three month check up, I told the Doctor the usual. Mary was anxious about this or that. Usually leaving for vacation, coming home from vacation, etc. Whenever she knows there is going to be a change in her life, she gets excited, but has to be constantly reassured about exactly how everything is going to go. Right down to, "Are there going to be restaurants there?". We went to her new school to pick up shirts, and boy was she excited! However, for the rest of the week, she wanted to know everything, becoming fixated on lunch trays.
This is why the Dr. suggested a different medication. Hesitantly I agreed, but I'm on edge.

It has been just about a week now. I am suspicious of every little thing Mary is doing or saying. I realized last night that while there have been a couple of things that at the time made me nervous, there really isn't anything she has not done before. It amazes me that she could be doing the same things she has always done, and just because she is on new medication, I want to make more out of it. Can you say paranoia? It really is hard to tell right now because nothing is going on. I will try to shake my paranoia for now, and get it back in full swing once school starts. That will be the real test. While Mary is very excited about starting a new school, it is highly stressful. I wonder if it is more stressful for me than for Mary. I should probably be the one on anti anxiety meds.