Wednesday, September 14, 2011

I am totally. Prepared

At least that's what I keep telling myself. Quick update, school has been going great so far, Social Bridges is a success. We have all learned a whole new set of "buzz" words to say to Mary to keep her on track and in check. I can't say yet how well they are working because Mary does not like to mix her outside home lessons with her inside home lessons. I have been meaning to write about all of this but time just gets away from me. Then something else comes up and I think I will just wait till this is done, then I'll blog, etc... Vicious cycle.

Thursday afternoon is our big meeting at school to discuss Mary's Individual Education Plan. We will meet with the guidance counselor, the teacher, the school psychologist, principal, and even the school nurse. As I said, I am totally prepared. I am prepared for the emotional roller coaster I will be boarding once I set foot in that room to discuss all things Mary. I do it to myself all the time, I know exactly what to expect. There is nothing anyone can tell me about Mary that I don't already know. Yet for some reason, all the time, the reality of it all overwhelms me. All I have to do is have a Dr. or specialist tell me what I already know or suspect, and I become a basket case. If I stupidly decide I am going to read the whole neuropsychological evaluation, I become overwhelmed. Why is it that seeing it in print makes it all sound worse? Thankfully, it passes, because I don't let it consume me for too long, or I would go crazy.

So, not only do we have this meeting, next Tuesday we have a meeting with the Social Bridges people. I am prepared! For just once I would love to go to one of these meetings and have them say Mary is doing wonderful, moving right along, on track, and so on. I think I secretly expect this to happen, and when all I hear are the things that are not going well, or what new odd things Mary is starting to do, I feel myself slowly slipping away. Slipping into a sense of despair. I wish I could be more like my husband, he hears whats wrong and immediately goes into, ok, what and how can we help her. I slowly crawl there, but once I'm there, it's all good. Why do I have to go with all the drama? O.k., enough of the pity party for me. I will make every effort to get back with everybody on just how wonderful these meetings went.


Sandy Nawrot said...

Well, I am a perpetual "over-thinker", and a worrier, no matter what kind of pep talk I give myself. So I understand where you are coming from. I'll be checking in with you later today to see how things went. The great thing about you is that you will get there mentally, and that you are married to Mr. Optimist.

Zibilee said...

I can imagine that it would be really hard to hear that things aren't going as well as you would have hoped they would, and it's natural to sort of go into a disaster mode when that happens. But you are strong and unyielding when it comes to what is best for your daughter, and every time you share more with us about what she is going through, and what you are doing about it, I just marvel at your ability to be open-minded and to get things done. I will also be thinking of you regarding this meeting, and hoping that everything goes well for you, and for Mary.