Home schooling. This is something that has crossed my mind, and immediately went out of my mind. I could never do it. I don't have the patience, and Mary needs to interact with other kids. Besides, she would not want me to be her teacher, she knows that's not the way it's supposed to be. School is where it's at, for Mary.
I am becoming increasingly frustrated with Mary's school. As I was complaining last night, my son said, "Why don't you just home school her?". No thank you. However, it got me thinking. Will I ever be happy with any school Mary attends? Will there ever be a teacher that teaches her the way I think she should be taught? Does my being her mom, trump a college eductated, experienced, special education teacher? What is my main goal here? Am I getting upset because I just want her to be happy, all the time? I suppose that is the truth. I don't ever want her to struggle, or be unhappy with an assignment she has to do. I also want the teachers to always be happy with her. I am living in fantasy land.
I will not go into every little detail about what is bothering me, because I am doubting my reasoning at this point. I am starting to take a step back, and look at myself, my actions, and how much I codddle Mary. Only because I am starting to see some behaviors in her that indicate she just may be taking advantage of my coddleness. (Pretty sure that is not a word). Anyway, I am trying to figure out at what point, and to what degree, do I start making Mary accountable for her actions. Like forgetting to do a homework assignment. I insist if it isn't written down, she will forget, as I told her teacher. Her teacher beleives she does have the ability to remember, as she has demonstrated in the past. See my dilemma? This is a scary realization for me, becaue it means I can't keep Mary happy all the time. I need to start coming up with consequences. It is so much easier with my other children. Mary gets away with murder! I have had this realization in the past, but on a smaller scale. Now, I need to step back and let her accept consequences from other people, like her teachers, without me getting angry at them for doing what they think is right for her.
My first reaction was to start looking for a different school. I don't want to be one of those parents who is constantly complaining, and moving my poor child from school to school, just to make me happy. Fortunately for me, next year is middle school. Which means a new school for Mary. Until then, I will stick it out, work it all out in my head, and help Mary adjust to the changes. Still, I will not entertain any thoughts of home schooling.