Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Home School?

Home schooling. This is something that has crossed my mind, and immediately went out of my mind. I could never do it. I don't have the patience, and Mary needs to interact with other kids. Besides, she would not want me to be her teacher, she knows that's not the way it's supposed to be. School is where it's at, for Mary.

I am becoming increasingly frustrated with Mary's school. As I was complaining last night, my son said, "Why don't you just home school her?". No thank you. However, it got me thinking. Will I ever be happy with any school Mary attends? Will there ever be a teacher that teaches her the way I think she should be taught? Does my being her mom, trump a college eductated, experienced, special education teacher? What is my main goal here? Am I getting upset because I just want her to be happy, all the time? I suppose that is the truth. I don't ever want her to struggle, or be unhappy with an assignment she has to do. I also want the teachers to always be happy with her. I am living in fantasy land.

I will not go into every little detail about what is bothering me, because I am doubting my reasoning at this point. I am starting to take a step back, and look at myself, my actions, and how much I codddle Mary. Only because I am starting to see some behaviors in her that indicate she just may be taking advantage of my coddleness. (Pretty sure that is not a word). Anyway, I am trying to figure out at what point, and to what degree, do I start making Mary accountable for her actions. Like forgetting to do a homework assignment. I insist if it isn't written down, she will forget, as I told her teacher. Her teacher beleives she does have the ability to remember, as she has demonstrated in the past. See my dilemma? This is a scary realization for me, becaue it means I can't keep Mary happy all the time. I need to start coming up with consequences. It is so much easier with my other children. Mary gets away with murder! I have had this realization in the past, but on a smaller scale. Now, I need to step back and let her accept consequences from other people, like her teachers, without me getting angry at them for doing what they think is right for her.

My first reaction was to start looking for a different school. I don't want to be one of those parents who is constantly complaining, and moving my poor child from school to school, just to make me happy. Fortunately for me, next year is middle school. Which means a new school for Mary. Until then, I will stick it out, work it all out in my head, and help Mary adjust to the changes. Still, I will not entertain any thoughts of home schooling.


Zibilee said...

I can understand your feelings, and have often thought of home schooling my daughter. The reason I changed my mind is that I think she actually needs to have interactions with other kids, regardless of the fact that the other kids are sometimes mean to her. I can see where it would be easy to coddle Mary at times. She needs so much understanding and support, but if you are noticing that she is taking advantage of that, I can see where you would be torn. My daughter gets treated differently than my son, and at times, I think it's not fair to my son, and also that my daughter takes advantage of my kindness and interprets it as weakness. I have had to adopt some pretty harsh tough love strategies with her at times. It's probably very different at your house, with Mary having so many mental and physical issues, but it's normal for you to wonder about these things. I hope that you come up with some solutions that work for all of you.

Sandy Nawrot said...

Good Lord I do not have any answers. Except that I have always looked at another family, with two really troubled little girls (you know who I am talking about), and are home schooled. And from my perspective, this is the worst thing in the world for them. They will never be able to cope in the outside world. They will never have the benefit of working with a professional that has studied developmentally delayed children. At some point, I think it is important that these lessons be learned. But I am not in your position, and I know it is hard to watch it happen to your own kid. Any thoughts on middle school?

Marianne Murphy said...

Thank you both so much. I am so grateful for all your feedback. Middle school is definitely going to be a private school. There are actually 2 that I am looking into. One is actually a charter school. It's UCP, which ironically, is where Mary started at age 8 months with all her therapies, etc. will definitely be doing my homework!