Play therapy

Well, it seems play therapy was not a good fit for Mary. It was kind of hard for the psychologist to get anything out of her when all she did was nervously chatter for an hour. When Mary feels like she is expected to do, or say something, she gets nervous and she will talk non stop, jumping from one thing to another. I can tell immediately, the difference between nervous chatter and plain old Mary chatter. During the course of her 3-4 sessions, I got to sit in and talk with the Dr. as well. Once again, I was hit with a realization about Mary.

Mary is a happy, healthy little girl who has many quirky personality traits. I know all of them, and I have seen a lot of them change or completely disappear over the years. All without any outside help. It seems that every time she would do something odd, I would tell the doctor, we would talk about medication changes, what could be causing her behaviors, etc. All the while at home, we are constantly talking to her about what is acceptable and what is not.

I realized that I am constantly looking for a fix, or a change. I don't think I meant to, because I will be the first to say I love her just the way she is, and wouldn't want to change her. When in actuality, that is exactly what I was doing. In the last 2 weeks, I have witnessed Mary stop and think about what she is going to say, and realize either how she should articulate it, or if she should even say it at all. This all from a child who supposedly has "mushy" breaks. Meaning, she cannot stop herself from saying or doing things. When the psychologist had her list how she felt about certain things, most of it was love, happy, beautiful, family. When I saw that what she thought of herself was that she was beautiful, I wanted to cry. I know that there are times when she realizes she isn't like everyone else, or her feelings get hurt because somebody said something mean. I also believe that there is more happiness in her and she can quickly overcome the bad feelings. Maybe that is just my hope, but I'll take it.

We just had parent teacher conferences. Mary's teachers are happy with her, her schoolwork and ability to pay attention is fine. They keep their eye on her and gently remind her when she needs to redirect her attentions. With all that she has in her life, I don't think one more therapy can do any more than what those of us that love her can do. Mary has been described by her teacher and even the psychologist as an enigma. There is no rhyme or reason to her, they cannot explain why she does what she does. She cannot be fixed, and I will say it again, I don't want her fixed. I think I just thought I was trying to help her. Mary is happy and loved, why would anyone want to fix or even help those feelings to be any different? Not me, not anymore.