Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Separation Anxiety

I have been bugging my husband to take me on a trip, one that he has planned himself, that doesn't involve visiting family, or going anywhere we have already been. I particularly wanted to see the coast of Maine in the Fall. Well, I got my wish, we leave in the morning for 4 days in Maine. I am so excited, so why have I been tossing and turning the last few nights? That's right, Mary. Mary has been exhibiting a bit of anxiety, knowing we are going to be gone, which she usually does. I also have a little anxiety over leaving her. For some reason, this time feels different. It actually feels like a physical pain, almost to a point that I don't want to leave her. Honestly, as much as I want to go, if for some reason our trip had to be cancelled, I would be o.k with it.

I think it's because I feel like there is so much going on right now. Mary does not have school on Friday, so I know I don't have anything to worry there. We have just started a whole new acne regimen, one I am really hoping works. We saw a new dermatologist, and he immediately said she needed antibiotics. So with that, a new topical treatment and face wash, we've got quite the routine. It's funny how all the testing, medically, academically, and socially, I know not to get hopeful, and feel like I can take any result. This however, has got me really hopeful. I want her face to clear so badly. Maybe I'm afraid it's going to clear up while I'm gone and I'm going to miss it? Nah, I don't think so, although it would be nice, I don't think it works that quickly.

I always miss Mary when I am away from her. I can't remember the last time I felt like I needed a break from her, although I know we both need a break from each other every now and then. When she was little, my husband and I would take turns doing for her, since she has developed, it's just been me for a long time now. Sure there are still things he can help with, but I just do automatically, and so does Mary. I also am the one with the patience. I have never been a patient person, but with Mary, I am. Leaving this time makes me feel like a piece of me will be missing.
I am not expecting much sleep tonight either, hopefully I can catch some z's on the plane. Mary will miss me, but as long as she knows I will bring her home something, she will be alright.


Sandy Nawrot said...

Marianne I didn't realize you were leaving soon! It is going to be beautiful up there (a blogger friend of mind just got back and said it was amazing), and try (ha) not to worry too much. Enjoy yourself. We need these breaks, no matter how hard it is initially. It is good for the soul.

Zibilee said...

I can totally understand your reluctance to leave her behind, especially when these past few months have been so hard for the two of you, but I agree with Sandy and think that you need this time away to regroup and refresh yourself. I know that it doesn't seem like you will be able to enjoy yourself while worrying about her, but give yourself some time and enjoy the sights with your husband. You will come home renewed and refreshed so you can be there for the daughter that you know needs you so very much. Have fun!