Insights....or Musings?

Every once in a while I have these lightening bolt kind of insights, or musings, I don't know what to call them, regarding how I think Mary's mind works. As usual,. I am always astonished, and amazed that I have figured out a part of her that cannot be explained any other way. So, let me entertain you with my thoughts, as my husband has a tendency towards eye rolling whenever I try to humor him with my Maryisms.

Mary is boy crazy, not just boy crazy, boy crazy.. I was listening to her go on and on about a boy down the street, (a teenager of course), and it dawned on me that there is not anything she is saying, or anything she does regarding boys, that all girls don't at some point have going through their heads. I could remember myself, thinking of a boy constantly, staring at him, at his house, wanting to get closer in some way, any way. Finding out everything there is to know about him, etc.. However, we at an early age, begin to realize that this is not acceptable behavior. It's something we want to keep secret. We don't want anyone else to know how deeply in love we are with this person. I think it's a way to keep them all to ourselves. Well, that part of Mary's brain does not make that connection. Mary lives it all out, for everyone to see. I often think that God gives me these little insights to make it easier for me to talk to and understand her better. Now, when I am trying to get her to stop obsessing, I give her the old, everybody feels this way, but it may make the boy uncomfortable, blah blah blah. I feel better anyway, and I can only hope she is understanding.

On that same boy down the street. David drives a Chevy Trailblazer, Mary wants a Chevy Trailblazer. Not only is she now obsessing over this vehicle, she can spot one a mile away. O.K., this part of her mind is a mystery. I guess we need to leave some things a mystery. Whenever we are in the car, no matter what she may be doing, Mary can spot a Trailblazer. I have been driving for many years, I don't think I could recognize the make and model of a car, even if it were to run me over. Really? I mean there are several trucks that to me, look like Trailblazers. I can understand when she sees the Chevy symbol on the front, but there are quite a few Chevy type trucks on the road. Believe me, I have purposely verified with my own eyes that she is correct. Mary is like that with music as well. If there is a song Mary likes, she automatically knows some of the words, or at least gets the harmony and beat down to a t.
Now I have tried to have her listen to musical learning CD's, like Schoolhouse Rock, but for some reason, it's not the same. I think because she knows it's something that is supposed to help her learn, she unconsciously blocks it out? I don't know. For now, I am happy with whatever little lightening bolts God sends my way.

Reflections & Rantings

As I promised in my last post, I still have some whining to do. First, I want to reflect on some things that happened this past week. Last Wednesday, Mary had her annual EEG. As I sat in that dark room once again, with my daughter falling asleep, and the strobe lights flashing, my mind was blank. I sat there thinking, "hey, I'm not thinking anything". So, I started to recall what I was thinking this time last year. I remember posting on this blog, the fact that I had accepted that things will be what they will be, no longer wishing for a different outcome. Acceptance, that Mary will be Mary, abnormal testing and all. This time, it was like sitting and waiting for her to finish a routine dental cleaning. No big deal. Of course, me being me, started to think, "is this a bad thing?". Have I given up, do I just not care anymore? No, I know, I am prone to stinkin thinkin and this is one more thought that needs to be pushed out of my head. I believe this is the beginning of me not seeing Mary as any different than I see my other children. I know I have acknowledged this before, but it is one thing to say it, and a completely other thing to not have it anywhere in the back of your mind.

Now for my whining. I have also spent the last few weeks, not wishing for things to be different with Mary, but just plain pissed off that some things are the way the are. All trivial little things. Like, let's start with, Why does she have to have such bad acne? Isn't it bad enough that she has a difficult time looking at people when she talks. This is something she has always had, even before the acne. I have tried everything short of medication, ( which I will not do at this time). I was hoping once the period came, the pimples would calm down. Don't even get me started on her period! Really, why? What's with the boy craziness, and obsessing over them? I understand the OCD, it's part of her, but really? Can't we obsess over things like needing things to be neat and orderly, or hand washing? Mary used to spend all her time at home in her room, reading, or playing. Now, all she does is go outside and stand in the drive way, waiting for someone to come by and hang out with her. That's fine, but when there is no one there, she talks to herself. I sometimes go outside and stand behind her and just watch and listen. My first reaction is to pull her in the house and say, "stop!" "Do you know how crazy you look"! I would never. When she notices me, I ask her who she's talking to, and she very calmly says, no one, or myself. So clearly, she knows what she's doing which means she's not crazy. I will worry when she starts seeing people who aren't there. Oh, I could go on, but will stop here. For all my whining, I have just as many joys, and breakthroughs to rejoice over. However, this post is about reflecting and ranting. Stay tuned for my next post, hopefully something with rejoicing in it.

Where to begin!

I am doing a very poor job of keeping up with my blogging. Truth is, as far as Mary goes, it is always the same old same old. This it seems has turned out to be a good thing. I have come to realize that stressing over what she does or does not do is something that blogging has helped me not do anymore. So, I go for long stretches of time with no posts. Then, like this week, I have tons of stuff to update. Yes, I am now updating, no longer whining or complaining, stressing or worrying. Again, this is a good thing. If I have nothing to update for a month or two, again, good things.

Now, for an update on school. We finally know what Mary will be doing this next school year. Kaley Elementary is the public school we are zoned for, and is within walking distance from my house. There, they have what they call a V.E. class. Varying Exceptionalities. This classroom is a self contained class with 8-9 kids, one teacher and one paraprofessional. One class, one teacher, with the exception of P.E, art and music. No more switching classes, and having a different teacher for every subject. Perfect for Mary. Also, and the best of all, no mingling with the teenagers! As she will be one of the older kids in the whole school. During the first 3-4 weeks of school, they will test her, and see where she is both academically and psychologically. This is wonderful, no separate testing away from school. Hopefully, she will just figure this is a normal part of her day and not feel the pressure of testing. I am very excited for Mary. Problem is, we cant really tell her just yet. Mary is somewhat aware that she is going to a different school, but once we tell her in those exact words, she will start obsessing and stressing. I know over the summer when she is away from Avalon, and we tell her, she will be very excited.

I will try not to go into overload on this one post, but there is still a few more things to update. We had a neurologist appointment last week and Mary is scheduled for her annual EEG this week. We have had to up the dosage on her ADD medication, which is still in its, lets wait and see what happens stage. With all that, I am sure another post will be coming soon. As I finish up this post, I realize that I may still have a bit more whining to do. This whining is still in its processing stage, once I have figured it out, I'm sure there will be a post. So, stay tuned...