What a bad day!

We had such a rotten day yesterday. Things started out alright and somewhere went downhill. I am trying to get back on track with taking Mary to the YMCA. After a couple of weeks of being lazy and doing nothing, Mary did not want to go. Christine came with us, so Mary didn't put up a fight, and enjoyed her time there as usual.

Then we get home, I notice Mary has changed her shirt. I didn't have to ask, I knew what happened, but I insisted she bring me the shirt. Yes, she tore a hole in it. I was so upset, she had been doing so well. She still pulls the threads on existing ripped shirts, but she has not torn anything in a while. I got upset, threw the shirt in the trash, after I tore it up some more.

Had a couple of errands to run with Christine, so Mary had to come with us. I am also trying to not buy her things every where we go, especially after she rips something. So, Mary was way off today, I heard all kinds of things. "I should get a new, nicer mom, I'm leaving this house, you need therapy, or you should go see an orthodontist". I know, where did that one come from?. Every store we went to she just got angrier and angrier. Finally, she blew in Staples. This is when she shoots herself down, by saying negative things about her self. We got a chuckle out of the "I'm interprintable" comment. What is that, you ask? Well, it means she can't be printed. We were in Staples. Then the comment that got my brain all scrambled and not functioning properly, "I want to die". I know she really doesn't mean this, nor does she understand the full impact of what she is saying. I am not good with knowing the right things to say on the spot. I need time to process, of course I told her it was a terrible thing to say, etc.

On the way out of the store Mary hauls off and smacks my bottom! Already flustered, I turn around and grab her arm and pinch her. I think if there was a cop close by, I would have been arrested right there in the parking lot by the way she reacted to it. In the car came the tears and the clenched fists hitting her legs, and of course the apologies, I'm sorry Mom, I love you..... Of course I feel just horrible. I know I should not react the way I do sometimes, but it is so hard not to. I probably do need a good therapist, or maybe I'll go see an orthodontist.

Things Mary says II.......

This post should also be known as things Mary does..... Mary has straight hair, last week I noticed a strand of hair that was curled. Of course Mary had no idea how it got curled. It's amazing how sharp she is when she doesn't want to fess up to something. I knew she got into her sisters room and was messing with the curling iron, but no matter what, she did not admit to it. Today, I noticed her hair on the top of her head was burned! After much prodding and trying to get her to tell the truth, she admitted to using the straightening iron. So, once again, she is banned from being upstairs by herself. I will not even think of the what ifs!

Last weekend we went to see a couple of movies. I will put this all in Mary's words. We saw Despictable Me,and Source of the Prentice, which Mary enjoyed. Mary said she wants to see "A Teen", (A Team), as well as "Cats & Dogs, the return of Kitty of the Galore (Kitty Galore). Oh, and she would also like to see "Exception" (Inception), as well as, no problem with this one, Ramona & Beezus, which she read the book of it. I got all this in one sentence while waiting for Despicable Me to start. I really should put all of this in a book!

Credit where credit is due!

I was so excited to see that the local children's theatre was hosting a camp for children of special needs. I immediately signed Mary up. Phineas and Ferb is one of her favorite cartoons, and this was the theme for the week. Mary was so excited, everyday practicing the theme song from the show. I was excited more for my own selfish reasons. I could send her to a camp where I didn't have to worry about her fitting in or being able to follow along. Then I received an email that they cancelled the camp due to low enrollment. However, I did have the option of sending her to the "regular" camp the week after. Still the Phineas and Ferb theme, but with no leaders for special needs kids. I ran the whole camp cancelled thing by Mary, hoping she wouldn't care. Boy was I wrong! Mary was devastated, stating how she knew the theme song and all. So, I told her I would see if there was anything else for her, as I contemplated sending her to the other camp session. It took me 3 days of worrying, wanting her to go, but afraid of her not fitting in, or being able to keep up.

Finally, I called the director of the camp. After trying my best to explain Mary to him, he assured me that we could give it a try and if she is not happy they can refund the camp fee. I know that Mary will be fine! I know I don't give her enough credit, I get so caught up in her "differences" from other kids, that I get blind to just how much she is like other kids. Even bringing her to the YMCA kids club gets me worried. I always feel I have to explain her to people, yet everyone says she had no problems, got along just great, etc.. I do realize that there are certain situations where I need to explain some things about her, I just wish I didn't make more out of it than there is. I would like to say, Mary is a happy, healthy,loving, caring, unique child with a dash of quirky. Something like that. Why do I need to be so technical? I will come up with something!

Things Mary says...

It seems like forever since my last post. It has been a relatively calm summer around here so far. Thankfully. I feel like I've got my Mary back. Her attitude and behavior is the same as it always was. I have not (knock on wood) had any bizarre surprises. We have had her play with her friends a couple times this summer. I realized having someone to play with everyday made it impossible for her to keep herself entertained. Something she has always been able to do. Mary could spend the day, reading and playing in her room. I think she became obsessive about being with these 2 girls and that's when her behavior got out of wack.

Mary has always had her own way of saying things. We would call them Maryisms. It was so adorable when she was little. Now that she is older, it amazes me to see and hear how her brain tries to process things. I am just going to ramble on here a bit about some comments, so bear with me. The other day we were in the pool and she had a very serious look on her face. Then she asked me which was longer, the pool or the water. It took me a minute or two to try to figure out what she was talking about. I told her they were the same. As I said, it amazes me. To read all the evaluations and tests on her brain and what it is or is not capable of, and then see her try to figure something like this out.... I read an article the other day about how they are now realizing that the brain is not as hard wired as they thought. It is more elastic, I believe was the word. It stretches and changes shape, etc. I witness it everyday.

Mary has a language processing disorder, sometimes the words get scrambled. I could go on all day with examples, but will only list a couple. After seeing a movie she enjoyed, Mary stated she wanted to "re-see it". Makes perfect sense. Mary asked me to make her a "sunny fried egg" for breakfast. Again, makes sense. My all time favorite was when she stated she wanted to be a "human bodytologist" when she grew up. This after her seeing an episode of "Bones" with her sister. Most of what she says makes perfect sense, it's just a different way of saying things. Sometimes, I can watch her face change as she tries to figure out the correct way to say or ask for something. The change in her face must be due to the elasticity in her brain.

Back to normal?

Well, we are home and back into the swing of things, or are we? I am amazed at the fact that very rarely can a week go by without my having to deal with some new parenting dilemma. I have been doing a pretty good job (I think) of keeping Mary occupied and entertained this summer. Sometimes, that involves a trip to the grocery store, or the Super Target. I realized that I have always bought Mary something, anything, even just an Archie comic book at the checkout line. Mary asks, Mary receives. Never mind the fact that I very easily tell my other children no all the time. Well, what I have been doing is creating an "I want" monster that cannot be tamed! Of course I am realizing this all now that it seems impossible to reverse the damage.

Well, with all my 21 years of mothering experience I figured I could come up with something. So, I decided I would incorporate some type of allowance, chore type thing. It works with my other kids. I know, we should have done it years ago. I have tried, but it never goes as planned with Mary, so I never pushed it. What I did was assign a small amount to each chore, like .50 cents for picking up pieces of paper, $1.00 for putting books away, etc. I wrote all this down on her dry erase board in her room. Mary seemed to follow along with my explanation of you can do a little everyday, and wait till you have enough saved to buy yourself something. Ha! What I have now is, "Mom, I picked up the paper in my room, can we go to Target?" Sure, with .50 cents you earned I'll buy you a $15 toy! Remember, Mary has a math disorder, absolutely NO concept of numbers!
Apparently, what she got out of my little lesson was, if you clean you room I will buy you something. It is so ironic how she is so easily manipulated with the easy stuff, yet I cannot manipulate her with all the complicated stuff. No matter how I try to spin it, I said I would let her get stuff at the store. So, until I can figure all this out, probably with professional help, I thank God she has older siblings I can leave her with so I can go to the grocery store.