Welcome to my playground

Things have been pretty much the same around here, still waiting to get medications straight. Waiting for the Dr. to get back from his vacation to discuss some things, also waiting for school to be done. So I have been sitting around trying to think things through, trying to not get too upset about things.

I often think of the inside of my head as a playground. There is a swing, a see-saw, slide and a sandbox. Most days are spent on the swing, going back and forth from one thing to another, whether it's dealing with my children or just my thoughts. My favorite thing to do is sit in the sandbox. In the sand box I am content, all is well in my world, if sand is thrown at me, I can brush it off and happily go on playing. Sometimes I hop on the slide. I am up really high, then boom slide right back down. Don't care for that too much. I go back and forth between the slide and the see-saw. Up & down, up & down. Makes me crazy! I just want to sit in the sandbox! Then there are days, when the storm comes. At the first strike of lightening, there is chaos. It's raining, and windy, everything is swirling around. I cannot play. These days come when either I don't feel well physically, or I am worried about something involving one of my children. I literally feel like my brain will explode. You would think someone with this much insight to the inner workings of her brain would have more control over it all. No, not me, and I've been in therapy! I'm sure there is a pill I can take to put me in the sandbox permanently, but what fun would that be! It is my hope, that the more observations I can make about my feelings will eventually lead me to just a little bit more control.

I guess when you really think about it, I do have control over it most of the time. Otherwise I would have been institutionalized a long time ago!!