Monday, May 31, 2010

Special needs

I have always had a problem with the words special needs child. Up until very recently, I had a hard time saying my daughter was a special needs child. I guess it all goes back to my need to have one diagnosis that I can explain. I have searched online for different websites and blogs. Mostly what I find are families that are dealing with Autism, Down Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, etc.. So, I felt we don't really fit in anywhere, until I start reading different comments, and I see that there are similarities within all of our children. To look at Mary and even to talk to her at times, most people would never guess there was anything different about Mary. That is why I believe I have been so determined to find out exactly what it is, so I can say "oh, Mary has this or that". Everyday I am realizing more and more that it is not important for me to have an answer. Mary is developmentally disabled, everything in a nutshell. It is not anything you can see, and I am certain it is more common than I realize.

Every day, I struggle with the whys, why me, why her, why us. Then I look at her and my heart just melts. I remember giving birth to all my children, that feeling immediately after, you feel every emotion all at the same time. Relief, happiness, fear, love, joy, you name it. That's the way I feel sometimes when I look at Mary. The biggest feeling is love, I feel so much love sometimes it hurts. Mary gives so much love in so many ways. It seems that what she lacks intellectually is tripled in love and compassion. For this I am thankful, and I am beginning to see what is really important.


Sandy Nawrot said...

You are always such a silver-lining kind of person. I commend you for that, because I know it can't be easy.

Jackie (Farm Lane Books) said...

I came over here from Sandy's blog. I just wanted to offer my support. It looks as though you have a fantastic attitude though.

My son has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers and one of the hardest things is dealing with the attitudes of other people. Like Mary he has a normal appearance, so people don't know there is anything wrong with him. They give us terrible looks whenever he has a meltdown. I'd love to be able to rush over and tell them all about his problems, but in reality this just can't happen. Whether we have a label or not people will still judge. All you can do is give her love and support and forget about letting everyone know about her label. It looks as though you are giving her loads of love and support so I'm sure she'll more than fulfill her potential. Good luck!

Kristine said...

I just want to say I so completely understand where you are coming from. Struggling to find a diagnoses, having a child that doesn't initially look "different." All the "whys" and all the love.

Best of luck to you.